____________`;summer p a r a d i s e

Better off dead.
2005-01-29 - 12:05 a.m.

im not used to dots and dash, sigh. but heys, i still frequent pinkish-star. lolx. ><; but all you see is one big moved word. oh wells.

sigh. @@ ice water when u having menses in not advisable, coz im starting to ache. crap. this reaallly suuucks.

if only money fall from the sky. ><; dammit. dreaming again.

went to so many places during the weekday. im completely zonked. my god. finding like a handful of bears are like finding clues in a hay stack. ><; this is so crap!!!!

hmm... hate a extremly fucked up day too. i have to swear. is a no choice shit. i had a SS test which i screwed it up due to my dily daly attitude, frreeeakkk heell... = = at this rate A1 is like finding a shell with pearls in the ocean. and i guess i found sand instead of pearl. argh. crap. and i seriously AM NOT pms-ing. as for emotional downfalls, it happens. so heck.

im a really touchy person. ah. weakness. that "Story" song made me cry at least twice. song, song and mv, song, line. sigh. is so touchy. even sister cried. hmmm... i really like it heh.

waking up at 6+ tmr, to pack my room, this is so crap. coz i have wallance huo autog to go, which i may not go after all, due to all those BIG akwardness that is going to happen. oh wells. i wish to ignore it. but is unavoidable. ah heck. sam said i should be strong. but im soft. ><; and most importantly i wish someone could just scold me, like my pride is being stepped all over the place. pamela pamela... what else can you do... you are an useless ass. maybe is too harsh. this is really bad. implicating matter worse is not i want anyways. and intervention from people i hoped is not needed. i just need a shoulder, lotsa tissue, time and a listening ear. i wish to be all alone. trapped in a room or something. im not sad. im just upset the way im being treated, is like dirt, or worse then dirt, not even compared to a air particle. im just a star that is gonna burst. [[burst out crying i think]] im not the pamela i know, 3 years back, i want to be the pamela 3 years back.... i regretted changing for the sake of changing. but i blame no one, but myself. i hate it when i have to cry myself to sleep night after night, blaming myself. asking myself, suspecting my self. this is far too crazy. i hate this so much. is as if that i cry for the sake of telling my problems. and i realised i can turn to no one. school is too big. public is huge. i wish i just had someone........

and iswear if weird sms is coming to shoot at me, im gonna do smth abt my fone like switching it off. i hate it when im doubted, which im clearly getting used to it. is just so unfair, dere isnt anyone siding me... but me alone.

i thank sam and my chicks for being there though. at least i can confide or smth. i wish things would get better. or i would actually end my life. i dont know. life is currently too complicated for me, and i just want to study... focusingly on studies alone. with a bit stars sprinkled around. i want my name on the wall.

Better off dead than living.

elope || now